“Be in love with the love inside of you,” I hear. “Yes, it belongs to me. Am I allowed to think of this?” “It’s okay. You are allowed to feel how you feel. It belongs to you, just like any tool. You decide what to use it for.” "I use all of my tools for good. I try to. I take them naught for granted. If I did, I’d risk losing them.” “We all must learn our lessons.” “Why do I need confirmation so badly? I guess, just out of self-preservation? But why am I trying to preserve myself? I am not this body.” “Can’t I know already without the words being shared? Can’t I just FEEL the answers?” “Yes, I imagine.” “The amount of energy you have invested here cannot be compared with, darling. Do you expect people to keep up with That level of energy?” “You can barely contain it yourself. Look around you Do you think that most other people feel this way?” “How can they? They are tired and worn down. The system is designed to keep them there. Do you see them bursting at the seams with interest and passion?” “What you have inside of you belongs to you. You may feel it fully, I give you permission.” “...unconditional love, and a beautiful melody; I just want to connect with that energy.” “You may do so at any time. Focus on how you feel. See what you see. And allow it to be.”
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This picture feels like your son, and like my son in law. I was just telling his story on Kathleen's excellent essay: https://devanneykathleen.substack.com/p/thats-a-wrap/comment/65701801. Here it is: "[Our kids] Smart, strong, good work ethic all and a thousand ways it can all fall through the cracks, and teeters on the brink regularly.
"In my son in law's case that's literally. He left his job as a mechanical engineer when his mom died, to help out his dad, and spent a year unable to find another. He's trying to pivot to being a firefighter and has been working day and night getting his EMT cert and passing the exams. Then he went rock climbing, slipped and bashed his ankle inbetween two boulders. BAD!
"His passion is making cider and, even though he was feeling broke, he decided to treat himself and get apples and cherries for a new batch. While taking out the fermented juice in the kitchen, the bucket broke and spilled 5 gallons onto the newly refinished floor of their rental--bright red. I hear he broke down sobbing, and who can blame him?
"I was thinking that I want to do an episode called Unmothered. That's what I feel we are, profoundly unmothered. No mother would design a social system that requires each person to claw over everyone else to get, not to the top, but to a semi-safe place. I'm going to share your insight with all my daughters, who need to hear it. I love the idea that it could all change on a dime. You're speaking my language!"
As you are also, Amy. 'Allow it to be.' Beautiful and much-needed.
Really beautiful ...